We seem to spend a lot of time thinking. I mean, think about it (haha) - how much goes through your head daily? Hourly?
90% of our emotions are repressed which means that all those things we think, often stay as thoughts. Some circulate and return over and over, but more often than not we don't express or share a large portion of what we think and feel in a day. I call this emotional labouring; lengthy, repetitive, exhausting, painful, and seems never ending.
I've been contemplating a lot of things over the past 4 months around thinking vs acting, how or why we get stuck in moving forward and in that emotional labouring state, and why it's so damn uncomfortable and hard to get out of.
I felt the calling to end my partnership for a long while prior to actually doing it. It would float in and infiltrate my mind heavily for hours or sometimes days, then I would convince myself I was just being an asshole and judgemental, and needed to stop being so negative. I'd go back to living life, and it would be "good" again for a while... until the cycle started over. I explained to myself internally that it was just a season and we'd be fine. I needed to push through and be patient. I dug into my shadow: how am I making this unhappy state exist? I opened up conversations about values and growth - which were usually great but never amounted to any change. I tried setting boundaries. I tried ignoring. I tried anger and tears. Nothing changed the feeling that I wasn't happy.
So why did I justify not taking action and zig zag around the truth of my feelings, staying in that state of emotional labouring for so long? Why didn't I just follow my heart and trust?
Fear. Bullshit, but super real and scary fear.
Where would I live?
Could I do it financially?
How would we divide things up?
Should I throw away a 5 year relationship? There's nothing wrong. He's a nice guy. He loves me. We never fight.
Is this what partnership is about?
Why don't I feel happy?
You name it, I laboured in my mind over it for months.
I wasn't taking action because those fears were incredibly loud and obnoxious, and coloured so much of what I thought was possible for me. And that's an important note: WHAT WE THINK IS POSSIBLE is a lot different than what's actually possible when we're viewing the choices from our highest self. Peering through the fears of limited abundance, unknown and unfamiliar, and even the guise of "comfort" we so often stay close to, ALL skew the perception of true possibility.
Okay Riley - just make it plain and simple. THERE ARE NO LIMITS, only perceived ones. So I was basing most of my decisions on a false, fear based process that couldn't even "see" all the choices. How can you make an aligned decision if you don't even believe you have a choice?
And we do this a LOT. We say "I can't because...." or "but what about..." and "what if...", and think it's nice for other people but won't work for me. We stay comfortable for reasons that are totally out of integrity - financial/money, companionship/fear of being alone, perceived safety - and this applies to jobs/careers and relationships of any kind.
For me, a lot of this hold up in action was because of those fears and because I really liked to have a plan or know what to expect. That made me feel safe. We think and talk a lot about the changes we desire in our life and we genuinely want them! We crave them so deeply that we cry over them and daydream about them! But we don't create them. We don't create them because we allow fear to manipulate our view on possibility, get stuck in our insecurities about what we are capable of, and allow our brain to be the main character in the story of our life instead of our heart. I can't feel what you feel, nor do I know what's come up for you as you read this that's feeling like "oh shit I am stuck in thinking and not doing". BUT I can share with you what's happened since I did take action.
- I aligned more deeply with my purpose in this life (the energy I has been spending on the relationship and emotionally labouring was freed up to go toward other things like ME and my gifts, and as the fog of that previously unavailable energy cleared, clarity increased BIG TIME.)
- One small action step, increased my confidence and self trust to take the next, and the next (I ended up dismantling pretty much my entire life, income sources and direction and had NO clue what was going to take it's place. I mean truthfully I am still winging it over here!). Action creates motivation - not the other way around.
- My self trust elevated exponentially because I actually show myself what I'm capable of and that I can do hard things (this helped me to continue making decisions and taking action)
- The vision for my life has opened up and I could not see this before. I've been able to tune into what I want to create in business, how I want to feel in life, and especially what I want in a partnership in the future (because I actually identified my needs - have you ever done that?! Have you ever sat down and asked yourself "what do I need?" or "what are my non-negotiables?" If you haven't then you may not even know your own needs. If that's the case, how the hell can you expect others to support them?).
- The ceiling was raised. I realized I had been aiming WAY TOO LOW and not asking for what I really want and deserve (this happened also because I saw my worth differently so I understood how much more I deserved than I had been stuck on before). I'm talking income level, living space, creativity, partnership, connection with friends - all of it.
- Gratitude increased because I was honouring myself and my truth. This allowed me to feel self trust and from there I tuned more easily and deeply into gratitude for life, lessons and my own inner courage.
Wherever you are on your path, whatever you may be facing, please know that there are many possibilities beyond what you see right now. If you've had some things come up while reading this that you can identify as items you want to be taking action on but aren't, then I hope this invitation meets you exactly there and encourages you to co-create your life more consciously by finally do the damn thing. Just one step. Right now. Then tomorrow, another. I'm betting you will be pleasantly surprised at the motivation it births and the expansion it brings through for you both internally and externally.
Go make magic out of your life.